Cancer Schmancer…

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I’m a control freak.  I admit it.  And the first step to overcoming it, is recognizing it.  I am not Obsessive Compulsive, well not in it’s true diagnoses.  I think everybody has a little OCD, or others more, inside of them and that is what makes their personality.  My ‘control’ issues is regarding people.  And no, I am not locking people up, making them wear tutu’s and making them dance and serve me wonderful meals (although that would be phenomenal)  Mine is more regarding my think processors.  I have to relinquish control, and recognize that not everybody thinks like me.

It sounds simple.  It really does, and while writing this I feel somewhat foolish.  But that is my issue, and when I look around I can see that it is others as well (or uh oh maybe I’m again just thinking for them???)  Like I’ve written before, I like to plan ahead and dreams of things to come.  I do this everyday, in mostly every situation.  I analyze,, I implement and I follow up.  I have to know all my options before I make a decision.  Ok, so that sounds all fine and dandy doesn’t it?  Well, no actually because where my problems lies is not everybody is like me.  They haven’t had the same life experiences.   So when I make my decisions or process circumstances or situations around me I can use my own ‘history’ per say but when others are involved I must recognize that they may do things differently because of their own life experiences.

I like to put myself in others shoes.  I like to empathize with them, and help problem solve.  But I get frustrated and upset when I can see options a mile away and the other is oblivious.  My answers, or solutions in my mind are perfect because that is how ‘I’ would solve it.  But, I messed up along the way.  When I put myself in their shoes, I put my whole self….my whole life experiences and wisdom and I pushed theirs out.  That’s pretty shitty, but at least now that I know I do this then I can correct it.

G says that is why I get so involved in movies, or TV shows.  I find a person who I feel I’m most like, or who I can I relate the most to and I put myself in that situation.  I essentially project myself inside of them.  Pretty weird really,  but a great way to feel a part of the show.

So what do I do from here?  How can I help myself?  Well, there are two parts to working with others.  You can have empathy toward them (which I have loads of) or you can look at their situation objectively.   We must be cognizant that in the end we cannot control how other people act or think, but we can try to understand them and how they got to where they are.

Relinquishing this ‘control’ is hard for me.  I really want everybody to be happy, and to see life as beautiful but short.  I want so much for people, but must realize that people must want for themselves.  The best way to help is by understanding. and this should be done without emotion and the cloud of personal bias.  I can control my own life, my own outcomes and with others I must learn to be ok with just loving and supporting them through theirs.

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